101 Werewolves
by Captain Insaneway
Summary: Potions of dubious nature and werewolves don't mix. Ruby and Belle had settled down as newly-weds, ready to have their first child. Unfortunately, things don't work out quite as planned, and now they're depending upon Emma and Regina for help. Red Beauty and Swan Queen are prominent. This is a crackfic, don't take it too seriously.


The air still cut one's lungs with the keen freshness of Winter, and Regina's apple tree was still enshrouded in a delicate, glittering layer of frost, but it appeared Spring had finally reached Storybrooke. It had come late this year, prompting mild panic from Ruby who had just discovered Game Of Thrones and was convinced that Spring would never come again and everybody would be slain in their beds by a pack of Wights, but eventually Winter melted to warmer mornings and newly blossoming flowers. Regina prodded an ice-encased daffodil gingerly, before rising to admire her incredibly neat flowerbeds, crouching again to dig out the tiny beginnings of a weed. The week before, Emma, Henry and Pongo had descended upon the back yard and left her garden in utter chaos. She hadn't had time to remedy it until now. A muffled door slam heralded Emma's arrival, who flopped down onto the grass beside her and immediately leaped back to her feet with a yelp upon discovering it was still wet with dew.  
"Good morning to you too," Regina remarked witheringly, raising her brows as Emma brushed her sodden jeans in a vain attempt to undo the damage.  
"Oh, didn't see you there, I don't recognize you with your clothes on," Emma replied acidly. "Henry's off to school. I made breakfast, come get some."  
"Okay," Regina shrugged, getting to her feet and following Emma inside. "Heard anything from Ruby or Belle yet?"  
"Nope," Emma said, suddenly worried as she handed Regina a plate stacked high with pancakes. Ruby and Belle got together two years prior, a couple of months after Emma and Regina. They'd beaten them to all of what Emma called "the important lesbian milestones"; they'd gotten married last year and their baby was due any day now. They'd elected not to find out the gender of the child, and had kept quiet about the details, but last Emma knew Ruby was the size of a house. Come to mention it, they hadn't seen the moms-to-be in a nearly three weeks. The only updates they'd had were Belle's vague, happy Facebook posts.  
"I hope they're okay. Maybe they've had the little one and they just want some peace and quiet with their newborn before unveiling her to the world?" Regina suggested through a mouthful of pancake.  
"Maybe," Emma agreed. Courtesy of some reluctant teamwork between Regina and the Blue Fairy, they'd managed to create a potent potion that would allow Belle and Ruby to have a child. So far, there hadn't been any side effects. She keyed in a quick text to Belle, doubting she'd get a reply.  
_Hey. Missing you guys, how is everything? If you need anything, let us know E x_  
"That's probably it," Regina said, with satisfied certainty. She eyed Emma with mild disgust as the blonde emptied an ocean of maple syrup over her pancakes. Emma had the good grace to look sheepish.  
"Hey, don't look at me like that. You're the one who uses like fifty billion pints of milk in your tea," Emma said reproachfully. "You'd think what with you being you, you'd be all _coffee, black, _but no."  
"Emma, I was an Evil Queen, not Captain Janeway," Regina sighed, not even looking up from her morning paper. Emma was about to make some smart remark when her phone beeped.  
_Hi, sorry we've been out of touch lately. Our bundles of joy arrived three weeks ago and our hands have been full. We could do with some help actually; we've got a tiny problem we hope Regina can help us with. Drop by whenever, we'll be in all day. Don't bring anybody. Bxx_  
Emma reread the texts a few times before noticing a detail that caused her to fall out of her seat.  
"BUNDLES, REGINA," Emma screamed frantically.  
"What?" Regina replied, squinting at Emma's hollering.  
"Belle, she just texted me saying that their BUNDLES, bundles plural, bundles as in more than one, bundles as in bundle with an S on the end signifying that there may be more than a single baby, arrived three weeks ago. I guess you were right, they just wanted alone time with their newborns," Emma said, her torrent of words uttered with such speed that Regina barely had time to register.  
"So they must've had twins," Regina mused. "How cute."  
"Maybe triplets," Emma added hopefully. Her face fell. "Ouch. Poor Ruby."  
"So what'd she say?" Regina pressed, finishing her pancakes with relish.  
"She was kinda vague. Just said they have an issue you might be able to help with, and to drop by sometime today," Emma replied with a shrug.  
"Alright. I'll brew them something to keep colic at bay and help the little ones sleep through the night," Regina said enthusiastically, dumping her dish into the sink and disappearing to begin working. Emma began to eat with such considerable haste that she almost choked, excited to see her friends again and even more excited to meet the new babies.

As they stood outside Belle and Ruby's door, Emma and Regina exchanged anxious looks. After a long wait, the door opened a crack and a frazzled-looking Belle could be seen peering at them.  
"Oh, it's you guys," she murmured, relieved. "Come in."  
They obeyed, standing awkwardly in the hallway until Belle took their coats and led them to the lounge, pausing outside the door.  
"Be quiet. And try not to freak out, Ruby's already upset enough as it is," Belle warned. Regina grabbed Emma's hand and squeezed, suddenly frightened as the door creaked open. They stepped inside. Ruby lay on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket, looking rather ill. That, however, was not what made Emma gasp and Regina take a step backward. Emma counted them all, growing paler by the second. Fifteen fat, wriggly wolf puppies lay in a heap in a dog bed on the floor by the sofa.  
"I don't understand," Emma said uncertainly.  
"Whatever that potion did, it definitely gave us the ability to have a baby," Belle said softly. "Fifteen of them. Ruby got more and more wolf-like later in the pregnancy and when she changed, it got harder for her to change back. We sort of lost track of the moon phases and she was in wolf-form when they were born. They all came out like this. And in the three weeks we've had them, they haven't shown any signs of turning into... people."  
"Jesus," Emma breathed, sitting down on a second couch adjacent to Ruby and her basket of pups. Regina sat down beside her, seemingly speechless.  
"Yeah," Belle said shortly, sitting cross-legged on the floor. "We've started feeding them dog food. We're still bottle-feeding them goat milk, but they're eating solid food now."  
"At least they grow quickly," Emma said unhelpfully.  
"I think I can do something about this," Regina said slowly. "I'll need a lot of time, though. But I think I can turn them human. They won't be this way forever."  
Belle looked relieved for a split second before she glanced at the clock and noticed the time.  
"Oh crap, they wake up at exactly five past the hour every two hours for feeding. They'll be up any minute," she said anxiously, leaping to her feet and bolting to the kitchen. "Will you guys help me?"  
Five minutes later, the lounge floor was covered in happy, wriggling puppies. They were just learning how to bark and walk, so their barks sounded more like squeaks and their walk was more of a drunken waddle. Belle had expertly figured out how to feed two puppies at once, but Emma found they kept snatching the bottles out of her hand and Regina was so busy cooing over them that she kept forgetting they needed feeding.  
"Didn't know you were the puppy type," Emma remarked, elbowing Regina in the ribs. Regina merely glared at her, the three puppies in her arms mirroring her expression exactly. Emma smiled, but as her eyes fell on Ruby and Belle, she noticed just how ill and worn out they looked. This predicament had seemed crazy, even kind of cute, but she was shocked at just how thin Ruby had gotten and the way Belle looked as though she hadn't slept in the past three weeks. Emma guessed that she probably hadn't. She gazed at the puppy she was feeding, a sweet-tempered girl with one green eye, one blue. The puppy had no enlightenment to offer her, but it did wag its silly little tail in an unbelievably cute fashion.  
And then it peed on her.


End file.
